Don't hurt me, too
by irmalin
Summary: Unable to process her feelings of guilt from Tenrou island, Cana takes a late-night walk around Magnolia. 'Lucana' / Cana x Lucy ship, set in the events somewhere after ep121. Rated T for sexual implications, language. One shot, angst, fluff? Please read and review!


" _It bothers me. I'll regret betraying a friend for the rest of my life."  
_  
She couldn't stop thinking about it. As she wandered home through the darkened streets of Magnolia, she just couldn't get it off her mind.

" _It's gonna hurt me too unless you stop thinking like that. Okay?"_

She'd _abandoned_ Lucy. After everything they'd been through together, after everything the guild stood for… Lucy had helped her confess to her father and she'd just left her for her own, selfish agenda. She'd known the chance the grave would help her with the trial was slim. But, like a coward, she'd run straight over there, anyway. Leaving Lucy alone. Where she ran into that…. _monster_. Cana suddenly stopped. Shuddered. Lucy could have been _killed_.

"Aaaargh!" She didn't have nearly enough alcohol in her system for these thoughts. The guild had been stifling, lately. Mira had cut her off, Levy wouldn't leave her alone, and this kind of thinking just wouldn't STOP! Angrily, she kicked at a stone. This wasn't the first time she'd had these thoughts, and she just wanted them _out._

If it had been someone else… _no._ Cana violently shook her head, as if the mere motion could dispel the thought. If it were someone else, surely she would have these same feelings of guilt. It's just…she… she... Cana came to an abrupt halt.

Guilt was certainly not the only thing she felt towards the dark-eyed celestial mage.

She felt like screaming, like ripping these feelings out of her chest. Lucy thought of her as a _friend_ for god's sake, they'd _bathed_ together, _cried_ together… there was that one time Cana jokingly _groped_ her!

You don't fight the urge to hold your friends. To brush their hair out of their eyes as they're hunched over their latest piece of writing. You don't buy them flowers, you don't take them out on romantic dinners and you _certainly…_ she closed her eyes… don't imagine how it would be to _kiss_ them.

Angrily, Cana picked up her pace, scrubbing any sign of tears from her eyes.

 _Whumph!_

She flew backwards into the canal-wall, bags of groceries spilling from her victim's arms.

"Damn, I'm so sorry, I wasn't… let me help you up!" She quickly scooped an arm-load of veggies into a paper sack, to find a pair of wide, brown eyes staring at her in shock.

"Cana!? What the heck was that for! Do you know how mu…. Cana?" The spirit-mage stopped her rant mid sentence as her eyes swept over the tarot-reader's form; her look morphing from angry, to confused, to downright worried.

She froze. It was like her limbs had turned to jelly. "H...hey Lu-chan. My bad."

The mage made to hand over a bag of groceries, and instead Lucy gave her a hand, hauling her from the ground.

"Cana… are you okay? Is something up with your dad? You're not thinking of leaving the guild again, are you!?"

She felt her cheeks redden, as the over-zealous blonde grasped her shoulders in an effort to make her look into her eyes. She gave a mechanical smile and brushed Lucy's hands away. "No, it's… I'm fine. I'm just really sober so I've been thinking. That's all."

Pushing Lucy's groceries into her arms, she barked a laugh as she stepped away. "Well! That was fun, but I think Mira will have something for me, by now. Later!" She turned on her heel and sped away from Lucy, who's silhouette quickly vanished into the gloom.

She didn't see the tears form at the corners of her eyes.

* * *

"YO! MIRA! Gimme another barrel!"

Mirajane smiled as she swept Cana's empty away. "Oh no, you! I think you've had quite enough for one night. I'm cutting you off until you've slept through that killer hangover!"

"WHAAAAAT? I don't get hungover! I'm not like those little boys who can't hold their liquor!"

Mira laughed, and shook her head. "Not now, Cana. You'll thank me later." With a practiced wink, she disappeared off to serve some other customer at the bar.

"Stupid Mira. What does she know about how much I can drink! Damn idiot hasn't needed to cut me off since I was sixteen!"

Cana grumbled as she made her way back to her room at the girl's dormitory, taking the occasional swing at the air. This was fun. Being drunk was fun. Everything was spinny and sleepy and _nice._ Especially since… she barked out a drunken laugh. No. Not thinking about that now. _She_ is in her bed and sleeping soundly and waiting to be a bad thought on another day.

Snorting with laughter, she sashayed into her room. Flicking on the switch, she was pleased to see everything was where she left it. Flinging her shirt into a corner of the room, she gave a contented sigh as she broke into a stretch. Aaaah. Everything as it should be.

The card-master flopped onto her bed. *crunch* And scowled.

"Awh shit. If I left another necklace here and…" She drunkenly rolled over and reached beneath her back, her fingers hooking on a slim, white envelope.

"Wassat? Not late on my rent _again…"_ Cana sniggered as she tore the letter open. Then froze.

 _Dear Cana,_

 _I'm not sure how else to say this to you, but lately we've been pretty worried._

 _ **I've**_ _been pretty worried. You haven't taken any jobs and you've even stopped harassing Marco and Wakaba between barrels. Something is clearly wrong from how you reacted when I ran into you last night. Please talk to me. I'm always here to listen._

 _Your friend_  
 _Lucy._

It was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped all down her back. Her drunken haze had shifted, and she felt like sinking into a lake of sand.

It's not like she hadn't known this would happen. Lucy wasn't the strongest mage at Fairytail, but she was an outstanding friend; of course she'd be worried!

Cana sighed. "...And it's all my fault. Again."

Damn. She couldn't even muster the energy to turn off her light. Curling into a ball, she muttered curses as she waited to sink into a deep, tormented sleep.

* * *

"Cana! Oi! Canaaaaaa! Wake up already!"

Cana yawned and rubbed her eyes in confusion. There was something very heavy lying on her torso, and someone kept poking her in the cheek!

"Hey hey! I'm up, already," she groaned, as she shuffled into sitting position and raised her arms in a lazy stretch.

Still blinking as she came to, she was greeted with a pair of nervous, chocolate-coloured eyes. " _Oh crap."_

Lucy gave a shy smile as she handed her a glass of water. "Hey. How're you feeling? I came up here with this 'caz it's way past noon and Mira said you hadn't been in all day. Sounds like you were drinking pretty heavily, last night."

It was a statement, not a question. Some members brushed the perky blonde off as a ditz, but Cana knew first hand that Lucy was far more perceptive than her bubbly exterior would seem.

If only she could stop goddamn blushing! Idiot! "Y...yo, Lucy. What's up?"

The spirit-mage's smile vanished, and was replaced by a worried frown. "What's up!? I think I've made it pretty clear what's up. You keep saying you're fine, but you're not fine, and you're my friend and I want to help!"

"Lu-lucy…" She didn't know what to say.

Lucy blushed, apparently embarrassed by her sudden outburst. "I just wanna make sure you're okay. Because I care about you. Can't you please tell me what's wrong?"

She leant over Cana, brown eyes filling with tears. "You've been so distant lately, I've...I've missed you!"

"Lucy…" There were no words for the pain Cana felt. First she'd nearly gotten her friend killed, and now she was breaking her heart.

"Hey, hey. Don't get upset." Gently, she wiped away Lucy's tears with her thumb. There was no avoiding it any longer. "I'm just…. I…" She wrapped her arms around her chest, unable to meet the younger girl's eyes.

"I left you!"

The cry was deafening in the quiet room. The blonde looked shocked at her outburst.

"Wait…. when…?!"

"On Tenrou island." Tears were readily forming now, large and stinging. "I _abandoned you_ just because I was chasing this goddamn dream of meeting this guy who was _probably_ my father! I… we… you almost _**Died**_!"

Her voice got louder and louder, almost breaking at the end.

Lucy was quiet. Still perched on Cana's lap, the card-master could feel her begin to tremble.

The younger girl broke into an uneasy smile. "Doncha remember what I said before? It was just a prank, we do that kind of thing all the time…"

"NO!" Lucy looked shocked by Cana's second outburst.

Clenching her fists, Cana felt her shoulders begin to shake as tears began to fall in earnest.

"It wasn't just a prank. We'd all seen the signal flare, we _knew_ there were dangerous enemies about. I still lied, and tricked you, and left you at risk to follow my stupid, selfish whims! I can't…. I NEVER should have done that!"

She felt the younger girl pull her into an embrace, now crying as well, as she sobbed through all the rage and denial she'd been enduring since their return.

"Oh, _Cana,"_ Lucy cried, as she bawled into her chest. I thought you knew I'd forgiven you for that a long time ago. Don't you remember what I said! It's _okay_."

Breaking loose, the card master furiously swiped a hand across her eyes. "It's not okay! Not how I treated you then! Not how I was avoiding you, now! And it's only made worse because I care about you Lucy! I _like_ you! Damn!"

Cana clamped a hand across her mouth before she did any more damage. But Lucy was on a roll.

"Of course you like me, Cana! I like you too! Everyone likes you!"

 _Idiot. Was she really that dense?_

Cana felt her nails digging into her skin. "It's… it's not like that. I _really_ like you, Lucy. And not just as Namaka!"

"I think I'm falling in love with you!"

Everything froze. The younger girl's body had ceased movement completely, her eyes wide open and her lips moving soundlessly at the confession. "That's it," she mumbled, pushing Lucy gently off her lap as she made to leave. "I've messed up things enough as it is. I'm _going._ "

She reached for the door handle, when suddenly someone grabbed her hand, _hard_.

"W _hat the…?"_

The shorter blonde pinned her to the wall, and stood over her angrily, tears streaming from her crystalline eyes. "You're not going anywhere! You stupid MORON, I like you too!"

Cana's brain short-circuited as the blonde scorched her lips with a passionate kiss. With energy she didn't know she had, she kissed the younger girl back with matched intensity, the next few minutes evaporating in a whirl of grasping fingers and breathy moans. She was vaguely aware that they'd shifted to the bed, covers flying as they battled for dominance. It was only after she felt a hand reach for the clasp on her bra that she came to her senses.

"Lucy, wait!"

The younger girl paused, concerned. "Isn't this what you wanted, I thought you liked me too…"

"Yes, but I, we've…"

The celestial mage placed a finger on her lips. "Then what's to complain about? Less talking, more kissing…"

"Mm, yeah…. I mean, no! This is great, you're great, and prettyandsmartandbeautiful, but wait, shouldn't we talk things through!?"

The younger girl smirked as she playfully adjusted her bra strap. "Cana! Why I can't possibly imagine that _you'd_ be the one who was all flustered and innocent looking in this. My oh my…."

The card-master laughed as she playfully whacked her friend on the arm. "Stop screwing around! I mean, I… this is better than I could have imagined, but you're going to forgive me, just like _that_? And…" she paused, "...what are we doing? Are we dating, or what? How on earth are we going to tell the others!?"

Thoughtfully, the spirit-mage placed her hand on her chin. "Erm, let's see…"

"Well, I won't lie, it really hurt when you left me like that. But the important part is that _you came back for me_. As long as you never do it again, you don't need to feel guilty about it, okay?"

"Mmmm."

"Hey! I'm being serious, here!"

Cana chuckled at that. Same old Lucy. "My bad, my bad. I'm listening."

"Hmmph! Anyway, I don't think we're dating just yet. I like you, but we need to see if this works? And," Lucy blushed, "you're definitely beautiful and things would have been going just fine if you hadn't interrupted… I mean, it should be pretty easy going from friends to… awh, damn, let's just say girlfriends! Why is this so complicated! It's just the same as friends with more flowers and more kissing and more… eek!"

Cana grinned as she leant over the celestial-mage, her hand creeping up the girl's thigh as she drew their lips closer together. "I don't think I have a problem with that. In fact, why don't we…"

Their door burst open "LUCYYYYYY! CANA! WHERE HAVE… WHAT THE HECK!?"

Natsu stood in what had previously been Cana's doorway, looking completely dumbfounded. Happy flew in over his shoulder.

"Ooooh, Lucy! In Looooooooo…. WHAT? LUCY! WHY ARE YOUR BOOBS OUT! CANA!? WHY DID YOU TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRTS! AAAAAH!"

His wings collapsed and he fled down the hallway, and soon it seemed as if half of fairy tail was in the girl's dormitory, ogling the new couple.

"It's not manly to stare! Please take my shirt!"  
"Lu-chan! How come you didn't tell me!"  
"Ohhhh, so THAT's why Cana kept turning you down, Marco!"  
"Wooooo! Man, give us a show! Awesome, Awesome! Commit it to memory, my babies!"  
"Awesome awesome! babies!"

There was a shuffling at the back of the crowd as Mira pushed through, Erza in tow. "Everyone! I think we should give them some privacy, okay? Go get a drink from the bar, we have new stock from the capital!"

Erza had a much more brusque approach. "OI OI! EVERYONE STANDING HERE AT THE COUNT OF FIVE IS GOING TO END UP UNCONSCIOUS! ICHI… NI…"

They scattered. Blushing furiously, Cana helped Lucy button her shirt as they composed themselves in front of their comrades.

The two women looked at each other, then grinned. "I guess they know now, huh?"

Cana barked out a laugh as she pulled the blonde into an embrace, and playfully tousled her hair.

"Yeah. I guess they do."


End file.
